Maverick John is two months old!

"It has been almost a week since Tula Belle was 2 months old, so it's really been weighing on me to do an update about what's new with her and all of us. Frankly, it is almost impossible to find the time right now. And when I do have the time to sit and do nothing, at this point the last thing I feel like doing is typing or even thinking about what to type. It is good for me though, to reflect a little and take the time to journal. This blog is the only journal I have and I am learning as every new mother does that the moments just fly by and sometimes the end of the day you can look back and it feels like a blur. There have been days that I feel like I got nothing accomplished, because I spent too much time just staring and cooing at Tula. And then there are days I realize I didn't spend enough quality time with her because I focused too much of my energy on finishing a project or task at hand. Everyday is a new attempt at trying to find the perfect balance."

Gosh, it is still the same. Maverick is two months old yesterday, and usually at some point before or after I write his monthly update, I will go back and reflect on Tula's and what she (or we) were doing at that stage of her life. And I read this tonight and thought that it perfectly describes how I am feeling with Mav right now too. This two month mark is kind of a big one, I guess looking back at Tula's post made me realize that as well. I think it's the transition that is taking place from the little ball of baby newborn-ness, to a smiling, alert, stretched out baby. And it's a reminder of how fast time flies, and that every single moment is fleeting. There have already been so many night that I have put Maverick to bed and thought to myself, "Tomorrow I will hold him more" or "Tomorrow I will spend more time doing this or that" with both kids I guess. But especially Mav right now. He is so babyish in comparison to Tula, and so she can just get my attention easier with all of the things she is doing right now. With Maverick, I really have to make a point or mental note to take time alone with him to snuggle, and get out all his smiles. I feel like every time I take a minute to do this, even if Tula is right there with me, he rewards me with the biggest smiles, to remind me to do it more often I guess. As busy as I feel I am during the day, sometimes I look back at the end of it and feel like I can't think of a thing I did. But lately, almost every day that I reflect on, at the end of the day I can think of one big smile that I got from Mav, and I guess it reminds me of the important things that happened. I truly, truly do not know where the time goes. It is so incredible how fast it flies. But I do know there there are seconds with you, Maverick, milliseconds maybe, that will last me a lifetime of memories already. So instead of worrying so much about how many moments passed that I don't know how I filled them, I am going to focus on the moments that I was able to completely fill up with my children and be grateful and proud of them. And know that the time will continue to tick, no matter how hard I wish it didn't. But every second wasted feeling bad about a wasted second is just another wasted second. Know what I mean? I am living in the moment, doing the best I can, still trying to find that "perfect balance" that I was looking for when Tula was two months old, and realizing that that may be a lifelong journey.

Oh, and Thank God for my camera, because some of the smiles and moments that I have been able to capture, thought they are right now so fresh in my memory, won't always be. And I love that I have some wonderful photographs to look back on for years to come. Seriously, the best money we have spent since having kids was on an SLR camera. It has allowed me to capture some of the most precious moments with my kids, and I will be forever grateful that I have them. I am still sometimes thanking John for my Christmas present from last year, which I am sure will go down as my greastest, most favoritist Christmas present of all time.

Not too much changed with Maverick this month. Well, he grew up and out, he is no longer in a ball like new babies are. His legs are all stretched out and he likes to kick them and flail his arms around. He definitely recognizes the sound of my voice, and smiles like crazy when I get my face close to his and talk to him. Around 6 weeks old, the smiles became a daily thing, and luckily I haven't had to go a day without them yet. Maverick is a really happy little guy, most of the time. He loves bathtime, I think he would stay forever in that tub with us pouring water over him if we let him. Maverick adores his sister. When I go get her in the morning after she wakes up and bring her into the bed with us, she always has to say "hi" to him and wave, and give him a kiss. Mav usually responds with a huge smile. It's a great way to start the day.

This month, I put most of his 0-3 months clothes away. He started wearing some 3-6 months stuff as early as 6 weeks. He is a very big boy, and seems to still be growing so quickly. He still doesn't really like any sort of tummy time, which is the norm, and sleeps lots for Mommy. He goes down at 8 and sleeps till about 3ish, wakes up to nurse and comes to bed with us where he sleeps till morning. He gets up for maybe an hour and then naps most of the morning away still, and a big part of the afternoon. At two months old, he is basically still waking to eat and maybe have an awake hour or two here and there. He is a really, really easy baby, and I know how blessed I am to be able to say that again the second time around.

Although having a new baby in the house was a huge adjustment, I really felt the last couple weeks like I was starting to settle into some sort of a routine, or just feel more comfortable with the two of them by myself. We have started going out more, the three of us. I can take the two of them to Target or a playdate or even the park! I have great friends who have helped out so much and made the transition easier on us. But I have also developed more confidence in doing it on my own as well and that has help a great deal. We are not quite a well oiled machine, but we are getting close. Home is definitely easiest for us right now, and we have started working on the backyard to accommodate or new need to "get out of the house" with out getting in the car. John has been working incredibly hard out there whenever he has the chance and I think it's going to look so good. I can't wait for it to be done!

Maverick, you have brought so much joy into our lives, and doing this the second time around is so much sweeter in many ways. I know the time passes fast. So I cherish every minute that I am truly wrapped up in you and hold those dear to me. You are a good baby, with an ear to ear smile that is infectious. Your big smiles this month have brought me more happiness than you could ever know. I love you so much!

Here are a few of my favorite pictures of Maverick from this month. He is really a gorgeous boy. But I am not biased, am I?

Author Unknown...

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him—as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you — as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you—only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you—-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

—Author Unknown

15 Months Old

Tula,

This month you have truly, truly, turned into a little girl. I find myself constantly saying to Daddy, "I cannot believe she....(is this big, can do this, just did that, knows how to, etc.)" You absolutely amaze us at this time in your life. You are so full of curiosity and excitement and joy. Your personality is becoming so much more apparent to me, and your reactions to anything so much more predictable because I feel like I actually know you. Of course, you are at an age where you are now capable of completely throwing me for a loop, but we are still luckily at that stage where it is more in a good way than a bad. You surprise us everyday with a new something. Whether is is a word or a love or a fear or activity. This month, you decided one day that you were afraid of dogs, then a few days later Grandma came to visit and brought Sadie, and though it took you a few hours to warm up to her, dogs were now cool with you and you wouldn't stop saying "Say-Deeeee" and laughing hysterically when she would run by you. When we couldn't find where, we would as you "Where's Sadie?" and you would do that cute arms in the air thing and try to repeat the question. I could play that game with you for hours and hear you repeat it back to me, and then watch you whole face light up when she comes running out from behind a chair. The smallest things bring you the biggest joy, and that transfers to me, and I cannot thank you enough for all the smiles you have brought into my life.

This month, you have really stepped up to the plate in the Big Sister department. You, my girl, are so good with your baby brother it is unreal. You love to kiss him, and will always tend to him when he is crying. And I can honestly say that you have even been able to soothe him a couple times. Don't ask me how, no offense sweetheart but your version of "gentle" isn't quite what one would hope it to be, but you are learning fast and I can't expect any more from you. You love to suck on his fingers and toes (this is adorable) but last week, while having a suck on his fingers, you decided twice that you needed a little nibble as well and bit him. Poor Maverick has never cried that hard in his life, but as soon as he started screaming, you truly did have the most concerned look on your face. You did it again the next day, maybe just to see if you would get the same reaction out of him, and you did, and it hasn't happened again since then. Thank Goodness. You know to give his his blankie whenever he is without one, and I catch you wiping his face with it like I do from time to time. You love to hand me wipes when I change his diaper and help pour water on him in the bathtub. You are like a little Mommy to him, and there is such a special bond between the two of you already that brings a joy to a Mother's heart that is overwhelming. Watching the two of you together is magical to me.

You are growing so fast though, and lots of big changes this month. Although you still haven't eaten meat, we are finally almost done with pureed foods. Before, it was you that always wanted them and I was trying to give you the finger foods. Now, I feel like it is more me trying to get you to eat the pureed stuff left in the freezer before we completely do the transition. You still love yogurt and your apple dessert I make you, I would say that is your favorite right now. Pureed apples and cereal and cinnamon, it kinda tastes like baby apple pie and that warmed up with a sippy cup of milk is almost always a hit with you. This month, you actually had one whole day that you went without breastfeeding, and although I was excited for you and your little independent self, I have to admit I felt sad that I wasn't as needed as I once was by you. I remember the times when I couldn't leave you for more than 3 hours because you would need to nurse, and maybe because I am not at that stage with Mav, you just seem so far past it and so much older and bigger.

Thank goodness that you make up with your rapid growth with affection. You are so lovey with us all right now, with everyone in fact. You will give anyone who asks the biggest open mouth kiss possible. You have started approaching Daddy and I with kisses too, not just when we ask for them. I love that sometimes you look at us and just open your mouth and want a smootch. I never thought a big wet slobbery kiss like that would feel so good. You love to kiss your friends, and even new kids you meet. Sometimes this freaks the other kids out and they will push you away and it breaks my heart. I love that you are so resilient you will usually just toddle over to someone else and kiss them. You will go sit in any Mommy's lap at playdates, which I find interesting, some of these Ladies you have only met once in your life and you will sit in their lap and actually approach them. I am often so proud of you and your confidence and trust in others. I love your calm personality that really is okay with anyone. Sunday afternoons we have a small group come to our home and this month you had your first babysitter. Grandma saw you with her today and said when she walked in the room you went to her and wanted up immediately and seemed to love her. My wish for you, Tula, is that you live your whole life loving as freely as you do now. I know that circumstance and hurts and life will get in the way of that a little, but if you could stay half as loving and accepting as you are today, your love would make this world a better place. Everyone should be so lucky to get a hug from you!

You are a girly girl. You love clothes. You like to brush your own hair after bath, and have decided you love to brush your teeth and if you remember, will go into our bathroom where you know your toothbrush and toothpaste are and point up there saying the usual "Dat, dat, dat." You love, love, love shoes, and often want to wear them in the house while playing, take them off, put them in your car. A few pairs of shoes would entertain you for a long time.

You have decided now that you are a big sister that you love to entertain yourself. And you have always been fairly independent, but this is different. You like to go into your room, climb up on your chair with a couple books and "read" away. You flip through the pages and babble away, but so expressive. It is one of my favorite things to watch you do right now. When you play downstairs, you are talking so much more to yourself. I don't have to check on you to see where you are cause I just follow the voice. Oh, and of course you can't tell us one of your big stories without your hands moving a mile a minute. You point and shake your finger and flail your arms, oh yes it gets pretty intense. You wouldn't, by chance, have some Italian in you?

Tula, Mommy has been so busy with Maverick the last couple weeks since we brought him home from the hospital and you have adapted so well to the whole thing it blows my mind. I make a point every day to find some time with just me and you, and I can tell you cherish it just as much as I do and love the one on one attention from Mommy. But you have also done so good at stepping back and letting me do what I have to do with Mav and your patience with him (and me!) I am so grateful for. You are such a big girl and good sister, Maverick is a lucky brother and Mommy and Daddy are blessed beyond measure to have you both in our lives.

Love you!

Mommy

Maverick's Smiles

You really only need to watch the first 10 sec or so of the video, the rest of it is me trying to make him smile again for the camera and him basically ignoring me. But the first few seconds are adorable!

Monthly weigh in....

So we finally took a trip down to the Ped's office to have the kids weighed. They have both gained lots which is great for them, but not for me who has to lug them both around. Tula is now 18 pounds 8 ounces, still very tiny for her age but gaining weight every month and that's what is important. Her brother, Maverick, will catch up to her in no time. At five weeks old, he weighed in at 12 pounds, 5 ounces and was 23.25 inches long. Tula was seriously 3 months old before she was that size, so this rapid weight gain with Mav is very new to me. He is definitely eating well and growing lots though. It was just a quick trip to be weighed by the nurse, no appt so nothing to update health wise. Everyone is well and healthy and growing like weeds. And for the first time, Tula didn't cry when she had to be weighed. We let Mav go first, and she watched intently. I guess when she saw that he didn't cry, she figured she didn't need to either so she put on her brave face. What a big girl!

These weigh ins remind me of how fast they grow...too fast!